


She Was My Love: You Are My Life

by Blue_Finch



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, First Time, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Spoilers, Misunderstandings, Past Relationship(s), Self-Reflection, episode s2e13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 06:24:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13781625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Finch/pseuds/Blue_Finch
Summary: John thinks giving up Harold so Harold can return to his fiance is the right thing to do. Harold doesn't want to let John go.Their first time is implied.Set not too long after Harold told John "It was best just to not talk about it."





	She Was My Love: You Are My Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [managerie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/managerie/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Letting Go & Holding On](https://archiveofourown.org/works/722571) by [Jay513 (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Jay513). 



> Managerie suggested I redo some of my old works to help me get back in the 'mood' to write Rinch again. *Has it really been over a year?)  
> I decided on this one and this is the result.

Harold sat staring at the photo image of himself and Grace on the monitor’s screen, having lost all track of time: oblivious to what was happening around him. His mind weighed heavily on what their number, Lou, had said about it not being to late for the two of them, Grace and him. The old gambler’s statement was based on incomplete facts and a misread of Harold’s emotions as they sat together at the coffee shop table. It _was_ too late. Harold sighed in resignation; it was for the best for the both of them now. Grace’s memories of the smiling, happy Harold in that photo would remain untarnished.

Harold clicked the button on the computer mouse to close the window on the screen. He really had been in love with his former fiance and she in turn loved him back. Or rather the version of himself Harold had wanted Grace to know and love. Lou had mistaken the remorse showing on Harold’s face at living a false life with Grace for something fixable that was keeping them apart.

Mr. Reese, who had been listening in to his and Lou’s conversation, had rightly assumed Harold had let Grace believe he was dead to keep her safe. Harold had never lied about that; it was true – in part. The other – Harold had never told John of his deception with Grace nor that John is the first person Harold has let love him for who he really is. Harold has been fighting his ingrained paranoia every step of the way to trust John Reese and return his love. He still loves Grace but he is _in_ love with John.

“John should know! I should have been honest, not stubbornly secretive, like always.” Harold said to himself thinking about the subtle push John had given him earlier to return to Grace. Harold hadn’t missed the hurt in John’s voice and on his face before the man had called to Bear as he turned to walk quickly away from the desk when Harold refused again to talk about it. Harold had returned to his thoughts about his former fiance as he soon as he heard the sounds of John  throwing the tennis ball Bear had been playing with and the dog running after it in another part of the Library.

Harold put his hands on the desk intending to push himself up out of the chair and go search for the two when Bear’s whine stopped him. The green ball was lying next to the keyboard and Harold could see from the dog’s anxious posture, Bear had been waiting quite some time for Harold to notice. “John not throwing this for you anymore Bear?” Harold asked pointlessly, because obviously, John was not.

Harold did stand then, stepping away from his desk, and listening for any sound to give an indication to where his partner might be. His hearing was met by the utter silence radiating from within the old library and its book-lined shelves.

“Mr. Reese!” Harold called out. There was no answer; the only sound  to be heard was the ticking of the nails in Bear’s paws on the floor as the dog excitedly waited for Harold to throw the tennis ball.

Except for the dog, he was alone. Harold had been so lost in his thoughts about Grace that he hadn’t noticed John had left or even if John had said goodbye. Harold heavily sat back down in his chair staring ahead and over the now dark monitors. All he could do was put his forehead into his hands knowing he had added to the pain John was already in. Unintentional or not, Harold had shut John out again.

When Bear nudged at his arm, Harold looked through his hands at the dog. “Okay, Bear. Just give me a moment,” he sighed. Harold rubbed at his temple before slowly lowering both hands from his face while reaching for the ball with his right. As he did, Harold noticed a folded piece of paper, _Harold_ written on the front, propped up next to one of the other monitors. He tossed the ball down one of the book lined aisles and reached for the paper with shaking hands. Something twisted inside his chest telling him this couldn’t be good. _How did I not notice that John had placed it there?_

 

 

 

> Harold,
> 
>   
>  I was ready to walk out without a word, but I just couldn’t do it. I am so sorry I can’t stay around long enough to help you find my replacement or make suggestions for finding yours. Find Shaw; she can handle herself and I trust her to replace me. Leon Tau is good with computers. He is not anywhere near your level of genius, but he is good. I think replacing you would keep Leon out of trouble. He just needs a purpose – an honest one
> 
> I know you say you can’t go back to your life with Grace, but I know how much she means to you. It’s killing me to do this. I love you, so much, but I love you enough to let you go. You need to take Grace, disappear with her, and grow old somewhere together. You deserve that kind of happiness once more.  
>    
>  I meant it when I told you that this job made me happy. You giving me a second chance and your trust in me, saved my life. I really would be dead now if not for you. I promise you that wherever I end up, I won’t try to drink myself to death. I will not waste my life. Do the same for me, please? I know helping the numbers has not been that, but you owe it to yourself to find that normal life we both have wanted all our lives. I stood behind you for the longest time, looking at you and Grace together in that picture. This is me – repaying my debt to you. Go, be with her. Be that man in the picture again.  
>    
>  I will love you forever Harold Finch.,  
>    
>  John
> 
>  
> 
>     p.s. Take good care of Bear; he really loves you too
> 
>  

Harold slowly refolded the letter. “Oh God, what have I done?” he groaned. Bear was still standing by Harold’s chair, alternating between looking at the ball on the desk and then at Harold. Almost shouting in panic Harold said, “No Bear, get your leash! We need to find John.”

After they left the Library, Bear having sensed the urgency in Harold’s voice, cleared a path through the crowd of pedestrians while Harold followed behind. He mostly ignored the squeals and eeks people made at the huge dog shoving them out of the way; Harold had no time for making apologies. They made it to the parking garage where Harold kept his personal car without any minutes lost. Much sooner than he could ever have hoped for, they were in the car and on their way. As Harold drove he offered up a silent prayer that he wouldn’t be too late. John **would** still be at the loft. If he wasn’t there, then John had enough knowledge of how Harold and The Machine worked to hide and never be found again.

Finch drove the black sedan as fast as he could without attracting the attention of some duty-bound patrol cop. Harold had to get to the loft. He had to get to John Reese before the ex-agent disappeared from Harold’s life forever. Pulling up alongside the apartment building on Baxter Street, Harold let go of the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. He thankfully found a spot open to park his car right out in front of the building on the park side of the street. After getting out of the car with Bear, Harold looked up at row of windows before crossing the street to see that the lights in the apartment were still on. “Please, John, still be in there, please?” was the silent plea in his head when Harold breathed a sigh of relief that the loft wasn’t dark.

When Harold made it up to the loft’s floor, he didn’t think John would open it for him even if John was still inside. Instead of knocking, Harold let himself and the dog in as quietly as he could with his own key to the apartment. John was standing next to one of the floor to ceiling windows looking out the at the New York night. When he heard Harold’s unique tread on the wood flooring, John spoke without turning around. His soft gravelly voice sounded so tormented when he choked out low, “I knew you couldn’t stay away, but God help me, I still prayed that you wouldn’t. I was all packed and ready to walk out, but I just couldn’t do it.” John shrugged his shoulders helplessly, "What am I supposed to do?”

“John, please, will you turn around and look at me?” Harold answered John’s question with an imploring one of his own. When his partner slowly turned to face him, Harold voice cracked and broke as he asked, “Do you see what to do now?”

Harold allowed all the emotions he was feeling show on his face, letting John see his eyes wet with unshed tears. Harold lifted his hands while barely holding it together as he sobbed out uncontrollably, “I am so sorry John; I didn’t mean to shut you out. I was thinking about Grace, I admit, but I wasn’t regretting having left her anymore. I was only wishing for her to find someone new to love as I have. Yes, I still love Grace, I always will. I do apologize for my choice of words earlier. I have trouble saying the right thing, so I say nothing. As for Grace I will always watch over her. I owe her that much. In that way, we will grow old together, just not with each other. You see, I can’t go back and be the Harold she knew. That man never truly existed.”

The look on John’s face was doubtful and hopeful at the same time. So Harold held out his hands a bit more and continued, “Our relationship was based on untruths and secrets on my part. I can't go back in time and change anything, so the best I can do now is let Grace cherish her memories and move on without ever knowing the truth. And for me to move on with you John.”

“You _are_ the one I want to be with. The man I am _in_ love with. The machine and our mission are _my_ purpose. But you, John Reese, are my life. You are my everything. You have been since you barged into my private world and loved me for who I am, the real Harold Finch. Without you in my life I wouldn't want to go on. When Kara Stanton strapped a bomb to your chest, I went to that rooftop to save you or die with you. I thought that was enough to show you what you truly mean to me.”

Harold stepped towards John while extending his arms hands palm up, “Tell me you that you understand; please don’t leave. I’ll even beg you to stay if I have to.”

At that John crossed the room and embraced Harold. “No, God no, you don’t need to. I am not going anywhere. I thought I could just disappear, let you go, but even I am not that strong. I would have broken my promise within a week and probably be dead in a month. I can’t live without you either.”

Harold wrapped his arms tightly around John too and held him close as if he’d never let the man go, ever. He eventually raised his head for John’s kiss and returned it with a passion he never felt before.

When they both had to pull back to catch their breaths, Harold looked over John’s shoulder at John’s bed. Harold whispered into John’s ear huskily, “I do believe now is time that I show you how much I do want you and only you,” and made to push John in that direction.

Bear watched his two humans and waited patiently for one of them to remove his leash for a time before trotting into the kitchen, leash trailing alongside him. After making use of his kibble and water bowls, Bear curled up on his favorite kitchen rug. Bear made a low doggie woof of approval hearing the sounds from the other room, then put head between paws and closed his eyes.

~~~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and if you have any plot bunnies to suggest I am all ears lol


End file.
